Book Review: The Happiness Project / Gretchen Rubin

“Gretchen Rubin had an epiphany one rainy afternoon in the unlikeliest of places: a city bus. “The days are long, but the years are short”, she realized. “Time is passing, and I’m not focusing enough on the things that really matter.” In that moment, she decided to dedicate a year to her happiness project.”

(from the back cover of the book).

Gretchen Rubin, in her book “The Happiness Project” has many insights and useful strategies regarding happiness. I found myself reading the book oh-so-very slowly, and even though I don’t tend to be a re-reader, I do believe that I will return to this book again.

The book is divided into months, while each month Rubin focused on a different topic, such as: Vitality, Marriage, Work, Parenthood, Leisure, Friendship, Money and more. She did a lot of research, which is presented in the book in a clear and relatable way. I read “The Happiness Project” in between other books of fiction. Each time I picked it up I read something interesting that often remained in my mind for some time. Rubin also provides tools for the reader to create their own happiness projects and directs readers to more info on her website.

I especially liked the month of May: “Be Serious about Play” – Leisure, and the month of June: “Make Time for Friends” – Friendship.

In the chapter of May, in a part titled “Fun”, something connected, probably to a deeper place inside of me. Rubin talks of the need to incorporate more fun into her life. She makes this distinction that I really like between things that are considered as fun to many people and the things that are actually fun to her, personally. I think many of us want to believe that going out to a loud party late at night and drinking, or pub-hopping to places with excellent music and high-quality beer, or scuba-diving, or air-gliding or many other things that are considered as glamorous and unique will actually be fun and something we need to have more of in our life. But if we stop a minute and concentrate in a moment of silence and self-honesty, these so-called fun things are not all necessarily fun for us. We might not seem as glamorous or selfie-worthy, but curling up on the sofa with a great book, your loved companion by your side, a fire crackling in the background, and warm coffee and fresh home-made cookies on the menu might just be your own definition of fun, the thing that will bring you the most happiness at the end of a long day. And it might be something else of course, wandering through the streets and alleys of a new city, browsing book-stores, enjoying an art museum, painting, writing, taking a hike out in nature. The point is that “fun” is probably different for everyone. And another thing that I believe, and was not mentioned in the book – we also might have a different definition of fun for various seasons of our lives. There was a time when I enjoyed the loud crowds and being the center of attention. Now I don’t crave that kind of scene as before. In the past, I didn’t get much of a kick out of nature, but one of the best days we had with the kids this month was going to a short hike to see a river after the rains and I could just stay there for hours.

And yet, no matter what your definition of fun might be, it is so important to seek it and to ensure that it is part of our everyday, on-going, busy lives, no matter how hectic they can be, and no matter what is on our plate. It should be from the very small things to the larger ones. I read a quote recently that I liked:

“Do two things every day that you love, one thing every week that you treasure, and one bigger thing every month that you will never forget”.

I find this to be a good reminder and a good rule of thumb.

If only I could commit to this… At least, I will try…  

From the book:

“Find More Fun. When I thought about fun, I realized to my surprise that I didn’t have a good sense of what I found fun. Only recently had I grasped one of my most important Secrets of Adulthood: just because something was fun for someone else didn’t mean it was fun for me – and vice versa. There are many things that other people enjoy that I don’t.”

(pgs. 128-129)

“All this thinking about fun made me realize that I had to make time for it. Too often, I’d give up fun in order to work. I often felt so overwhelmed by tasks that I’d think, “The most fun would be to cross some items off my to-do list. I’d feel so much better if I could get something accomplished.” I felt virtuous when I delayed gluing pictures into my scrap-book in order to deal with my e-mail. In fact, though, turning from one chore to another just made me feel trapped and drained. When I took the time to do something that was truly fun for me…I felt better able to tackle my to-do list, Fun is energizing.”

(pgs. 136-137)

“Not only does having strong relationships make it far more likely that you take joy in life, but studies show that it also lengthens life…boosts immunity, and cuts the risk of depression. To keep loneliness at bay, you need at least one close relationship with someone in whom you can confide…you also need a relationship network, which helps provide a sense of identity and self-esteem and in which you can give and receive support.”

(pg. 159)