Yesterday I participated in a conference. Alone.

It was a work-related conference, super-fancy and extremely professional. It was interesting and relevant to my work and my areas of interest. I devoured most of the content. Yet I was alone. Drove there by myself, went in by myself, sat alone (among other people of course, but not connected to others initially). And I was proud of myself; proud for not allowing this aloneness to prevent me from participating; proud for not letting this aloneness to turn into loneliness and to bring me down. I found strength in this. I was ok. Like Eleanor Oliphant – I was completely fine, and I truly was.

But it made me think yet again about this concept of being alone and then of being lonely.

According to Webster’s Dictionary, the definition of the word alone is: 1) Separate, apart, or isolated from others. 2) To the exclusion of all others or all else. 3) Unequaled; unexcelled. 4) Solitarily; by oneself. 5) Solely; exclusively. 6) Without aid or help.

The definition of the word lonely is: 1) Affected with or causing a depressing feeling of being alone; lonesome. 2) Destitute of sympathetic or friendly companionship, support, etc. 3) Lone; solitary; without company; companionless. 4) Remote from places of human habitation; desolate; unfrequented. 5) Standing apart; isolated.

From these definitions it is quite clear that while the word alone is relatively neutral, the word lonely is infused in negative connotations. However, in reality there appears to be some confusion between these two words, these two concepts of aloneness and loneliness. People are often afraid of being alone. Perhaps they fear that if they will be alone, by themselves, as a by-product they will become lonely, isolated from others while feeling negative emotions. I think that this is a misconception that eventually causes us to miss out on something. Being alone can be beneficial and gratifying in so many ways: it gives us time to process and evaluate data, time to just think in a clean and fresh way, forming our own original opinions about concepts and occurrences before they are influenced by others. It gives us time to slow down the fast pace, to breath, to experience things in a deep and full way, to follow our personal curiosity and desires. Indeed, experiencing things together, with others is also extremely valuable and many benefits can be derived from this, yet this is our usual default nowadays. When we are alone we can create, art in all of its forms, from a deep place inside us. We have the freedom to explore, to try, to take a chance. There are no critics around us in this initial stage.  

Of course, being alone is extremely easier when one knows that they are alone from choice, and that they can easily return to the company of their loved ones as soon as they choose to do so. But we must not fear this aloneness to begin with. Many artists, authors and great thinkers speak of the alone and the fruits that it might bring. We should try to be open to this experience and push ourselves to try it – more often than not.

Personally I’m considering going to an art exhibition by myself, to take my notebook and my sketchbook with me and just wander around. I imagine myself finding a work of art that will catch my eye and my heart and then I’d just find a space to sit, enjoy and let myself be inspired. I might be idealizing this experience, and a few minutes into it I will miss the company of Ram and wish that he might be by my side to enjoy this together. I might see groups of others and regret my so-called adventure and attempt at aloneness. But I think I’ll try my hand at this, at some point. (Let’s not be discouraged too easily about the practicalities of finding the time for this, between work, family obligations and all the rest).

ot totally sure why, but this concept of loneliness has been on my mind lately. It might be connected to the excellent book I read a while ago “Eleanor Oliphant is Completely Fine” in which loneliness is one of the main themes. If you’re interested please read my review of the book in the following link. Here’s a quote from the book along these lines:

“These days, loneliness is the new cancer–-a shameful, embarrassing thing, brought upon yourself in some obscure way. A fearful, incurable thing, so horrifying that you dare not mention it; other people don’t want to hear the word spoken aloud for fear that they might too be afflicted, or that it might tempt fate into visiting a similar horror upon them.” 

I’m curious to hear what might be your thoughts on this. Whether you agree or disagree, and if you think trying to go out there to do something alone might be good for you and in what way.